|
[02 Sep 2004|12:27pm] |
Hey remember the time I decided to update my journal for once...yeah good times,its now.
Heres to: not going to sleep. sleeping late. cuddling. alcohol. the sun. the beach. the 95 mph. cars. the drives. the realizations. getting lost. new friends. drinking games. shows. staying out till 4 am. scary movies. love. happiness. smiling. laughing. drinking at erins block party. swimming. erins pool. pictures. marvel. 2 whole weeks with andrew. "the brothers broke my snoze". dreams. 2 dollar icecream. darlene. toni. erin. heather. kahlina. megan. dunkin donuts. kyle. being late. haircuts. shows. ahslee simpson. braclets. jamacians. mike. the bakery. the gazebo at jones beach. chronic lolipops. the fights. not remembering the begininng of summer. the pain. taco bell. mount misery. alcohol fund. chuck e cheese. sex. country music. ocean parkway. bruises. ozzfest. stoners. relationships. cute boys. crushes. maxi pads and shaving cream. drunk darlene and drunk toni. 7-11. the mall. all the food. good friends. good times<3.
this summer in a nutshell, rocked!
|
|
|
[19 Aug 2004|04:25pm] |
comment with a picture or memory of/with me please
and tell me what you think of me, what i mean to you, what you see in our/my future, anything along those lines ♥ thanks to anyone who takes the time to do this you make me very happy
|
|
|
[01 Aug 2004|12:11am] |
i seriously love my best friends.
you are amazing.
thank you for caring about me when i feel as though no one else does.
and talking to me from like 2-430in the morning about the wonderful things we love about the guys in our lives.
i just want to thank my friends for being there for me the past few days, i love you soo much.
Kyle,
Everything is going to be fine. I love you so much and I don't want you to feel guilty or feel sorry about anything that happened on Thursday. I appreciate the fact that you called Tara and asked for directions, I love the fact that you wanted to take me there to make sure we would be okay with the aftermath of our decision, it showed me how much you truly do care for me, I know that you care but this really showed me. So thanks, I love you with all my heart and I'm glad you were the one that I got to experience it with.
|
|
|
[22 Jul 2004|12:24pm] |
well these past few days have been cool. okay not just cool, but awesome. ;o)
im tired...but its okay cause i have work at the beach today.
|
|
|
[18 Jul 2004|01:28am] |
why do i constantly do this to myself?
where i get myself so wrapped up into something knowing nothing is going to happen ever again anyway?
idk i guess i'm just stupid.
there are so many things that im not sure of in life, but with all certainty at this very moment, all i know is that i miss him. i miss that smile,i miss that laugh, i miss the jokes and the dumb things would you say that i would just laugh so hard at. i miss looking into those eyes and seeing truth within them.i miss the innocence that we once shared. i remember the first time you called me...i was upset about vito and you had written a poem for me, on how i felt, you got my house number off of my away message and called me and read it to me and it was just so adorable. i remember the shows at the WKOC where we would talk and hang out in the closet, the time when i assumed dob had told you that i had liked you and got upset about it, when dob was just being a loser and doing it on purpose.i remember hanging out at toni's house straightening your hair and dancing around toni-marie's room. i remember halloween where we sat around the block from toni's just talking about who we liked and i wouldnt say it because i liked you. the night that you asked me out...how could i forget. i talked to you on the phone and we made plans to meet by the flag-pole at your school. when i got there you and heather were there and me and darlene got dropped off by my mom. you were upset and wouldnt talk to me and i thought that you were mad at me... but then we started to talk and i held your hand as we walked to the other side of the football feild to sit on the opposing teams bleachers. we held hands and i ate jolly ranchers. we walked to target,you got made fun of by john and i got mad and told him to shut up, you were on the curb sitting down looking very sad... i held your hands and helped pull you up...we eventually walked back to I.T. and some time had flown by next thing i know you and darlene were off talking somewhere. she came back and grabbed me and pulled me to the side of your school and told me she needed to call erin...i left and came back and she told me that you were going to ask me out but i needed to talk to erin first...so i did. i went to go and sit back down with you and we walked over to the flag-pole and you said the most beautiful words ever imagined and you told me you loved me and asked me out...i said yes i love you too and i hugged you... then we both snapped back into reality and realized that there were tons of people around us...i remember your birthday at toni's, our first kiss....what can i say, we have so many memories... so many things to look back on. i learned so much from you, gained so much. i loved the way you made me laugh, i hated the way you made me cry, but what I hated most was when we said good-bye
comment i guess...
|
|
|
[16 Jul 2004|11:20pm] |
well.... tonight i had the best night..
granted i did stay in but i stayed in to talk to my bestest friend about lots of things. hes awesome.
the end. lol
sleep is much needed
love,
me
|
|
|
[12 Jul 2004|02:32pm] |
|
im so sad....my friends accidently threw out my poetry book. i have to start all over...that book was my life. :o/
|
|
|
[08 Jul 2004|11:19am] |
so heres to what could have been
if thats the way it had been
isn't it odd how things sometimes go
could this have been real, we may never know
im not saying the chance of it is out of question
if its meant to be fate will meet us again
but for now, heres to what could have been
|
|
|
[07 Jul 2004|11:56pm] |
|
There are just a couple of things that I thought I should tell you. I learned these while I was the object of your guy's affection. First of all, don't be frightened if he smothers much more love on you than you had expected. Don't be surprised if he treats you much better than any other guy you have ever met. And let it not scare you that he will actually listen carefully to every word you say, even when you're just speaking quietly. Also, you should know that he remembers everything you will say. He's hurt easily, especially by the painful words a careless girl will say. If you do hurt him, then you'll have to pay the price of seeing the broken look in his passionate and deep blue eyes, and watch the light in them fade. But if this happens, all is not lost- a kiss and an "I love you" can heal anything. And please, don’t say I love you to him, unless you really mean it, nothing hurts him more then someone who really doesn’t care. Sometimes, he won't tell you what he is feeling, but... just know that he is protecting you and if you ever feel that something isn't right, just look into his beautiful blue eyes and you will be able to see into him. You can see everything he is feeling, everything he is thinking, everything that isn't right with him... He won't ever try to hurt you, because he just isn't that way, so please don't hurt him because if you do, I don't think I could ever forgive you. I don't think there could ever be a worse feeling in the world than knowing that you have the boy that I love and knowing that you hurt him. You should know that if you two ever get into a fight, just make sure you pick only the ones worth fighting for... He will always keep his temper and will never curse at you or call you names, despite the anger he may be feeling. Though he may act mature, most of the time, once he's given you his heart, he will begin to open up to you and his silliness will make your heart smile, in a way that words can not explain. Don't hold a tight grip on him, let him go and be part of the world and experience new things. You will find that he is a busy guy and that he is so very independent. Sometimes, he will need his space, but don't worry... He'll always make time for you and even when you're not around, you'll be in his thoughts. You will find that he isn't like any other guy that you have met, so please don't take him for granite. When it comes to his money, don't take advantage of that, He will be so unselfish with it, because that is the way he is. Remember, He likes to have a good time, he loves his car and his music and even though he won't admit it, he really does like to be surprised. He is less tough than he may appear, you just have to take the time and let him bring down his guard... He is so sweet and so amazing and know that if you ever leave him, you will break his heart apart, the same way that my heart breaks apart, as I sit here writing this to you. Don't ever try to pull him away from his dreams. He is going to be an extremely successful musician and won't ever let you give up on your dreams, either. He will encourage you to become everything you can be and will never, ever let you down. He likes it when you kiss his ear and nothing is better than hugging each other. Just watch how your hand will fit perfectly into his and when it does, it seems as if nothing in the world could hurt you, because he is there. And when he puts his arms around you and tells you that you are the girl he loves, you will know, there isn't any guy in the world better than him... Don't ever let him go. You will regret doing so, for the rest of time... I promise, you will.
|
|
|
[06 Jul 2004|04:44pm] |
sorry for the second update.
so i finished this drawing before.
it was from when me and kyle were dating, i decided to draw a picture of the two of us using an actaul picture as my guide. i finally finished but i really feel like its a waste. i have no reason to keep it besides the fact it may be the drawing that gets me accepted into an art school but besides that why should i keep it? i was going to give it to kyle but yeah, there's no point now and if i did give it to him now he really might think im like the craziest person alive lol. i feel like i've wasted my time on finishing it, because i have no purpose for it any longer.
|
|
|
[06 Jul 2004|03:05pm] |
i passed all my classes. woot woot!
no summer school for me, but my brother has to go haha man doesnt that suck!
working at the beach is awesome.
andrew left. sadness. i didnt get to say goodbye cause i decided to go back to sleep.
my mission to talk to him at 140 in the morning...failure haha
fourth of july sucked/rocked
erin slept over
on the way to work i checked my voicemails and kyle left me one and i thought i was going to like cry, it sucks that im admitting that though because he reads this. but yeah i totally wasnt expecting that and it was nice to actually recieve a phone call and i didnt call him first. its been a rough few days. but i think after talking to that loser, hehe, i realized for real its time to move on, yeah i still love him i have no idea why but i do, but i need to move on.hes happy,im okay,so its only right to move on.hes going to be celebrating 2 months with my awesome chick tara so i just want them to be happy.
worked monday, gross!
called kyle back and we chatted. i wanted to talk to him longer but he had to go to work and i was at work so it wasnt very compatable{spelling?}i like want to ask him to hang out but yet i dont. i dont think he would hang out.its hard to get his attention when hes in a relationship.plus he would probably have work,be with tara,or something with the band cause thats always what it was. i guess i dont want to completely lose touch with him,i feel like i have,although i do see that boy at shows,i talk to his band members,im aquainted with his girlfriend and we hang out,but i never really like see him and i dont want it to be like that, im not saying hang out like every waking moment but once and while hang out or talk on the phone. whatever.
went to dj's
taco bell
prank phone calls!<3
being home early sucked.
going to bed at 3ish and waking up at 530 for work....sucks!
im bored and tired. later.
|
|
|
[02 Jul 2004|12:22pm] |
summer has been amazingly awesome.
havent drank yet...im on a roll!
cigarettes are a bore.
i love darlene, i have spent like all my time with her.
andrew.
co-ed sleepover
man in the moon=andrew sleeping and someone giving a BJ
spiderman 2 at 12 at night.
sucking at bball.
cruising with the tonster.
getting into trouble for using erins pool while she was away=gayyyyyyyyyyyy!
the getaway drive show at the downtown=HAWTT
kyle being a fucker....whats new about that?
tara is amazingly cool, even though i ditched her the other day.
people fuckin suckkk.
yesterday i was all sad like.
went for a walk.
saw andrew. it sucks hes going back home in like two days.
and a lot more.
|
|
|
[22 Jun 2004|01:09pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 depressed |
] |
so yeah i was supposed to stop using this, but since im bored ill update. plus it will give all my stalkers something to read ;o)
so i have this ex boyfriend and hes really cool, hes got a new girl and there's nothing i can do.i wanted to ask him something when i saw him last night at the show but in fear of rejection decided not to ask him. you see i have this family event happening in like late september or w/e i dont even know and when my family planned it i was still together with him and he was invited to be brought as my guest.i never told him about this though because i didn't know if we would still be together at that time cause you dont know what is going to happen. he wound up breaking up with me a few days before our 6 month. i had planned to tell him about the event on that day,we hung out the day of our supposed to be 6 month anniversary too but i physically couldnt bring myself to ask him. within a week and a half of our break up he had a new girlfriend and was really happy so i felt funny asking him. he still has a girlfriend, which i happened to meet and shes really cool, but i still want to ask him but i dont think he would come with me. sooo i dont know what to do,even if we are just friends i still want him to come.i probably wont even bother asking him, i feel funny just calling him and asking him cause yeah we still talk but not really and its kind of uncomfortable initiating a conversation.well whatever, i just had to post that cause its been on my mind since last night.leave comments with advice i guess...
|
|
|
[15 Jun 2004|10:03pm] |
|
this was cute so i wanted to post it.
( ♥ adorable♥ )
|
|
|
[06 Jun 2004|06:31pm] |
Friday:
♥ school
♥ hung out with Nicole
♥ work
♥ got a visit at work which just rocked soo much!
♥ home
♥ took practice Regents exams for fun? who does that...me.
♥ picked Erin up from CEC
♥ home
♥ talked to Kyle, he was nice and called me back, he's cool like whoa.( I don't hate him so yay, he's a cool guy and I'm glad he's a happy one.)
♥ listened to music
♥ sleep
Saturday:
♥ woke up at 10 because I got a phone call and a voicemail from this really hawt kiss ass guy ♥
♥ called him back and talked for a few
♥ started to clean my room
♥ talked to Toni and Erin
♥ cleaned some more
♥ showered
♥ Erin's
♥ dyed hair
♥ movies
♥ home
♥ hung out
♥ sleep
Today:
♥ woke up late
♥ cleaned
♥ phone with g-ma
♥ cleaned
♥ phone with Patrick
♥ cleaned
♥ phone with Erin
♥ hung out with Denise
♥ went online
♥ he's home...yeahhh <3
♥ tanning later
|
|
|
[02 Jun 2004|09:54pm] |
So today, I realized how much I suck in school. And I realized just how much weight I have lost...
I love this soo much! I'm soo happy <3
rockkk..
|
|
|
[01 Jun 2004|09:01pm] |
is it normal to drop from a 9 to a 5 in pants sizes in a little over a month?
Well, ironically it's June 1st, which means it would have been 7 months, and I talked to him today. We had a cool convo, I didn't plan on calling him today, I just wanted to say wats up. It was so funny, in art I told Nicole that it was supposed to be 7 months and she thought I was sad, and she was about to be like I'm sorry, but I was like, Oh well who cares haha! Priceless!!
School was incredibly good today, I have been in the best mood and I love it! I wonder why? ;o)
Bobby's hair is kick ass! lol awesome.
Tomorrow I'm going to school at like 7 cause I have no idea, I just am lol. And I'm walking home with Bobby so yay!
Today I came home from school and realized I forgot my art project so went back around 4 to get it and saw and talked and walked with Bobby. Went home and worked on it and then hung out with my beessssttt girlie Darlene! We chilled and then went to visit Mike and then Toni came. That was fun. Then I left and came home and now I'm here.
Got so much work to do but I enjoy wasting my time on the computer instead haha. Can we say SLACKERRR?YES WE CAN!
Tomorrow= Task 1 Essay and Lab Pratical. So I have like no classes...ROCK!
Well I'm out. Later dayyss
|
|
|
[31 May 2004|10:36pm] |
|
Broken Hero
"Song Titles are Overrated "
I wish I could say these things to you
That I know I need to say.
guess I wasn't good enough for you
I just let you walk away.
But when I turn around, you're not there
Makes me ask myself, do you care at all?
If only you could stay for awhile
man, that would make my day
you're never there when I call you
are you avoiding me?
When I turn around, you're not there
makes me ask myself, do you care at all?
This is the part where I'm supposed to tell you how much I hate you
But we both know I'm better, we both know I'm better than that
When I turn around, you're not there
makes me ask myself, do you care?
Because you walked away when I needed you most
Makes me ask myself do you care at all?
When I turn around, you're not there.
well the past few days have been amazing <3<3<3!!!
thats all i have to say.
|
|
| Laura smellls... |
[27 May 2004|07:27pm] |
Darlene is the koolest person i know... we hung out today and yesterday and tues. but not mon b/c we slept all day, so yea...
btw this is Darlene, its bothering that Laura never updates so im doing it for her...
later
leave comments..
|
|
|
[25 May 2004|09:21pm] |
I've got a single silver bullet I shot right through my heart To prove I can survive without you
*Hawthorne Heights-Silver Bullet
Happy One Month </3
haha
Im going to scream! lol. I realized how fed up with life I am. I can't deal anymore. I'm sick of being exhausted. I'm sick of fighting. I'm sick and tired of never eating. I never freakin eat anymore.What is up? I'm sick of lying.I'm just really messed up in my head. I just...I dont know how I feel anymore. No this has nothing to do with Kyle. We are done and over with, I mean it's been a month, hes happy hes moved on, as am I. Things are conflicting inside of me, I just need to sit down and work things out. I feel like this entry is all about complaining.I'm really stressed out and I am going to break. I have 8 projects to do for Italian and I am going to shoot myself. I'm sick of people talking about me behind my back, grow the fuck up!And say it to my freakin face.Everything is falling apart. I am miserable. My job sucks. My friendships are completely falling apart, or so it feels. I need space to breathe. This weekend better rock, or I might just jump off a bridge. I want to just go to Long Beach on Saturday like all day and just hang out and get away from everything.I don't know anymore. I dont even know who I am anymore...I dont know..whatever.
Leave comments I guess...
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=88.8){kind=small}
wishfulthinkr's journal